ShowerHub 7
SKU DD-USB-H2O
A seven port waterproof USB hub that suction mounts beside the shampoo. Rated for 45 degree water, steam, and 400 open browser tabs.
- Ingress ratingIP68
- Ports7 (one always faulty)
$189AUD
Add to cartOpening in Bendigo, 2026 · status: all drains operational
Never go offline
in the bathroom.
"Because your data should flow as smoothly as your water."
Specialty plumbing, cabling and adapters for IT and cyber security professionals who consider a shower to be unplanned downtime. We wire the smallest room in the house so you never miss an alert.
99.99%bathroom uptime SLA
0 msfrom loo to inbox
IP68everything, including staff
// 01 The hardware
Wet room. Dry ports.
Every product is pressure tested, splash tested and tested by someone who swore they would only check one email. All prices in Australian dollars, GST included.
TubMount Pro
SKU DD-MNT-SOAK
An articulated phone and tablet arm that clamps to any bathtub. Holds a 13 inch tablet above the waterline through even the longest post-incident review.
- Max load1.2 kg of regret
- Fog wiperIncluded
$129AUD
Add to cartVanityDock Thunderbasin
SKU DD-DOCK-VAN
A laptop docking station built into the vanity. Dual display output turns your mirror into a second monitor, so you can finally look yourself in the eye during a deployment.
- Power delivery100 W
- Toothbrush slotHot swappable
$449AUD
Add to cartPacketFlush S1 Smart Bidet
SKU DD-BDT-RJ45
The world's first bidet with gigabit ethernet passthrough. Quality of service settings prioritise critical traffic. Supports PoE: Power over Ethernet, not the other kind.
- Throughput1 Gbps / 6 L per min
- Firmware updatesNever mid-session
$1,299AUD
Add to cart// Launch special · while stocks and sanity last
The Limited Edition Themed Bathroom
A complete bathroom fit-out in the tile collection of your choice, pre-wired with a ShowerHub 7, TubMount Pro, VanityDock and the PacketFlush S1. Only 64 will ever be built, because our inventory system stores the count in a very small integer.
$14,999
$19,999
AUD, installed. Cheaper than a data breach.
Reserve build slot 1 of 64
Offer ends 31 December 2026 or when the sprint ends, whichever gets extended first.
Free with any order
Themed body wash and loofah
Every order, from a single adapter to a full bathroom, ships with a bottle of Fresh Install body wash (notes of cold server room and new laptop) and our Defragmenter loofah, which reorganises dead skin into contiguous blocks.
// 02 Limited edition tile collections
Tiles that feel like work.
Three hand-glazed ceramic collections inspired by the software you stare at all day. Now you can stare at it all night, too. Priced per square metre.
Edition of 1,048,576 tiles
The Gridline Collection
A crisp spreadsheet grid where every tile is a cell. Freeze the top row of your splashback. Merging tiles is possible but, as always, a terrible idea. One tile per room arrives reading #REF! and we cannot explain why.
$89AUD / m²
Pairs with pivot tablesRetro desktop edition
Rolling Hills '01
A serene green hill beneath an impossibly blue sky, rendered across a full feature wall. Pure nostalgia for the era when your computer took longer to start up than your shower took to get hot.
$119AUD / m²
Calming until it crashesDark mode edition
Midnight Monospace
A code editor dark theme with syntax highlighted grout. Hides soap scum and technical debt equally well. A light theme is available on request, but our installers will look at you differently.
$135AUD / m²
Tabs, not spaces// 03 Why choose us
Tradies who speak fluent ticket.
We are licensed plumbers who have also sat through a change advisory board. We have seen things.
Quotes delivered as spreadsheets
Every quote arrives as a workbook with pivot tables, so you can slice your bathroom spend by room, fixture and level of regret. Conditional formatting turns the total red, for your convenience.
Agile renovations, delivered in sprints
Two week sprints, daily stand-ups in your hallway and a retro in the driveway. Your shower ships first as an MVP (Minimum Viable Plumbing). The toilet is in the backlog. It has been groomed.
24/7 support for every kind of loss
Our help desk understands both packet loss and pressure loss, and can tell which one is making you cry. First line support will still ask if you have tried turning the tap off and on again.
Zero trust plumbing
Never trust, always verify. Every tap requires multi-factor authentication before dispensing hot water. Cold water remains available to guests on the untrusted network.
99.99% uptime guarantee
Monitored around the clock with alerts sent straight to your phone, which is already in the bathroom with you. Planned maintenance windows are announced by a sticky note on the door.
Fully documented, mostly
Every install includes a network diagram, a pipe diagram and a README taped inside the vanity. Undocumented legacy pipework is labelled do_not_touch_ask_gary. Gary has left the company.
// 04 Testimonials
Reviewed by people still in there.
Real feelings from entirely made up customers. Average rating: five stars, averaged in a pivot table.
"I pushed a hotfix to production from the bath and rolled it back from the shower. My deployment pipeline and my actual pipes have never been so continuous. The bidet is now part of our on-call rotation."
PK
Priya K.DevOps Engineer
VERIFIED SOAKER"The quote came with a pivot table and three slicers. I cried. Then I filtered by 'grout' and cried again. My partner asked why the bathroom has column headers. I said it is called structure."
MT
Marcus T.Data Analyst
VERIFIED SOAKER"The bidet dropped off the network, so I turned it off and on again. I will not be elaborating. Ticket closed. Honestly the first users I have ever supported that did not argue back, and they are taps."
DW
Dale W.IT Support Technician
VERIFIED SOAKER